Which way?

'..In life, it is all about choices we make.
And how the direction of our lives comes down to the choices we choose.' - Catherine Pulsifer

As I consider my options or lack thereof, with respect to what to do with myself in this life, I find I feel heavy and at times almost lost. I struggle to differentiate between what I want, what is convenient and what is best for me to do, which is made even more grey by my lack of understanding and limited knowledge as to what I am meant to do, meaning what God would have me do or do through me.

When I was growing up I used to dream of being a doctor and being a surgeon. I had a life plan that I had every intention of following rigorously; I would be qualified at the age of 23, and married at the age of 24. My wife and I would struggle financially, but we would make it work. My first child would be on its way by the age of 27, and hopefully twin daughters on their way by the time I was 30. We would still struggle financially, but it would work for good; it would teach my children humility before we finally got comfortable a little later in life. It would be a simple but good life. It had been effortless to dream it.

Now, at the age of 23, I am nowhere near anything I had dreamed before, in fact I am quite far away. I am not disheartened. Perhaps I am frustrated, for sure I am intrigued, wondering how it will all play out and where I will end up. I often wish that I had been born with a guide, a map almost, that would determine for me what steps to take, when and how; a list of instructions that would see me through uncertain times and provide answers; at the very least, a collection of guidelines to point me in the right direction and see me through to a pre-determined goal or life purpose.

As I am, parts of my dream still remain, but many aspects have changed and more still are uncertain. Options in respect to how to proceed with my life are available that will take me down different roads, which seemingly will lead me away from my sought after path. All roads have led me here and I am at a crossroads, as we all are daily in our lives in one respect or another. The problem is making a choice, firmly and with conviction deciding which way to turn and which road to travel down, not made easy by uncertainty of the final destination, or indeed from not knowing at all where one is trying to go.

“If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.” Lewis Carroll

(Image courtesy of Hannah Wrong: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hannahwrong/4020620792/)