...and there was Light..

Dear Reader,

Martin Luther King Jr is quoted as having said, 'Darkness is only driven out with light, not more darkness.'

When I remember that my thoughts, opinions and parts of myself are out for as many people as who care to read them, I sometimes get a little anxious. I feel scared that I will say too much and appear a fool, or not say enough, rendering the writing and blogging experience, in addition to each individual post, moot. The whole exercise would be pointless if the latter were to be the case, and be counter-productive if not deleterious if the former proved to be true.

When I started writing, I am not sure now what the motivation was in its entirety, I do know that I wanted to connect with people, old and new; I wanted to debate; I wanted to share with those who perhaps feel or think as I do, but more importantly I think I wanted to share my hope and receive it too. I still want these things. This is not and was never a life story.

This is a dark world, one of sadness and pain; filled with greed and envy; characterised by riches and power; imbued with lust and sex; defined by violence and hate; all too familiar with adultery and despair. Evil flourishes, wrong deeds are rewarded, and good men are at best collateral damage and at worst they stay silent. Live long enough in the dark and you begin to identify with it, I dread to tell you that I identify.

Darkness only exists if light does too, there is Light and herein lies the hope. Light that exposes the darkness and hope for a better day.

I am learning that as individuals, 'We are not bound to win, whatever that means, but we should be bound to be true. We are not bound to succeed, but in all things we should be bound to the light that we have.'* And if we don't have any, it is our responsibility and to our eternal advantage that we seek it out, for it is better to be guided by the Light shed by one small candle than to attempt to navigate in its absence, and then curse the darkness for where you end up.

With no delusions of grandeur, I hope that my words echo the truth, that they will be a source of hope and that where it is sought and or needed, they will be a reminder of Light.

With Love
Lloyd


*Adapted from the words of Abe Lincoln
(Image courtesy of Hannah Wrong http://www.flickr.com/photos/hannahwrong/4638491142/)

Which way?

'..In life, it is all about choices we make.
And how the direction of our lives comes down to the choices we choose.' - Catherine Pulsifer

As I consider my options or lack thereof, with respect to what to do with myself in this life, I find I feel heavy and at times almost lost. I struggle to differentiate between what I want, what is convenient and what is best for me to do, which is made even more grey by my lack of understanding and limited knowledge as to what I am meant to do, meaning what God would have me do or do through me.

When I was growing up I used to dream of being a doctor and being a surgeon. I had a life plan that I had every intention of following rigorously; I would be qualified at the age of 23, and married at the age of 24. My wife and I would struggle financially, but we would make it work. My first child would be on its way by the age of 27, and hopefully twin daughters on their way by the time I was 30. We would still struggle financially, but it would work for good; it would teach my children humility before we finally got comfortable a little later in life. It would be a simple but good life. It had been effortless to dream it.

Now, at the age of 23, I am nowhere near anything I had dreamed before, in fact I am quite far away. I am not disheartened. Perhaps I am frustrated, for sure I am intrigued, wondering how it will all play out and where I will end up. I often wish that I had been born with a guide, a map almost, that would determine for me what steps to take, when and how; a list of instructions that would see me through uncertain times and provide answers; at the very least, a collection of guidelines to point me in the right direction and see me through to a pre-determined goal or life purpose.

As I am, parts of my dream still remain, but many aspects have changed and more still are uncertain. Options in respect to how to proceed with my life are available that will take me down different roads, which seemingly will lead me away from my sought after path. All roads have led me here and I am at a crossroads, as we all are daily in our lives in one respect or another. The problem is making a choice, firmly and with conviction deciding which way to turn and which road to travel down, not made easy by uncertainty of the final destination, or indeed from not knowing at all where one is trying to go.

“If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.” Lewis Carroll

(Image courtesy of Hannah Wrong: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hannahwrong/4020620792/)

Founded on the rock?

I am sitting in a relatively busy computer room as I write this, I don't really have to be here, but I am. I am comfortable here. For once in a very long time I have no immediate work that requires being done, or pressing deadlines that need to be met. I don't have to be working, nor do I need to be, but I want to be! I thought I would love being free of Uni, and being finished with it all, but there is a safety found in being part of a system and process that freedom from it doesn't replace or match up to.

Archimedes is quoted as having said: 'Give me a firm place to stand and I will move the earth'. As the man was a physicist, engineer and mathematician in the days before Christ, I feel it is valid to question whether or not he meant a literal translation. I don't know, but I doubt it and certainly hope not! In my mind I assume it was probably some clever pun where 'earth' could have also meant 'dirt' or 'soil' in addition to the immediate and common meaning of being 'the planet we live on'. Perhaps I pay undue credit, on the other hand, maybe I do not pay enough. Disregarding the physics and maths of it all; as a metaphor, this is a statement I hold in high regard.

In my heart I want to move the earth as I am sure most of us want to, but I have no idea how, when or what that will look like and right now I'm afraid all I do is sleep.


(Image by Scott Horrigan: http://www.boston.com/community/photos/raw/2008/08/how_i_got_the_picturescott_hor.html)