Where have I been?

I have been trying to be creative and purposefully 'deep' which is where I am going wrong. Creativity often requires talent of some sort of according inspiration. Where this lacks, the results and indeed even any attempts will be disappointing, pointless and will fall short in some form or other. It is for this reason, in addition to many others, such as poor time management, exams, work, that you have not read my thoughts/words for so long. This is not how I intended it to be. I know now that I need simply be real and honest, and hope that my reality is sufficient enough to arouse and maintain interest for the 5 or so minutes that you find yourself reading these words.

I have 2 months left of University and still no idea what best to do with my life. I am still living on borrowed time in a foreign land. I am torn, stuck and trapped between making my life decisions based on dreams, desires and ambition, considering my governing by circumstances. I am unsure what my next move should be. If life could be likened to a game of chess, then I am undoubtedly in 'check'. A position I unfortunately am sure I am not alone in being familiar with.

In these uncertain and dark times, I get some peace from knowing that God has already given me victory, should I choose and accept it. This peace is often marred however by questioning and guilt: Why do I not live like I am victorious? or worthy of it? Why can I not always see it? When will my victory come?

Keeping it together with all these things in my head isn't easy. I find myself in a place where I am searching and aching for the same things that people are looking to me for; answers, solutions, hope.

I am trying to be strong. I have to be strong.